we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
