Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
