Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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