She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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