did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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