Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
