in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
