fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
