Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got inside last night via doggy door
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
