He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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