I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
