broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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