Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
