Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
