How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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