I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
