I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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