Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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