help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
