I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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