There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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