you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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