bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
