he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
