Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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