As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
