there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
