I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
