you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
