You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
