I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
