dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
