whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
