I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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