Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
