No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
