i can't believe i had my finger in that
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
