I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
