sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
