i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
