the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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