I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
