the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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