Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
