You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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