try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
