It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
