hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
