we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
