Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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