i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
